I know of three amazing (married) couples who are fantastic people, individually and as a couple. They are strong, intelligent, patient, talented people who would put their lives on the line for me (and some do, in the military) if it were necessary. I consider them some of my closest friends, people who make the world a better and safer place. We are better off because they are in our generation, and yet, these are people who have decided to not have children. It makes me wonder what kind of awesomeness I/we are missing out on. I don't understand this logic.
There are so many individuals in this world who should not be procreating, and yet, not only have kids, but have a plethora of them. Seriously. You probably know some of them. Why then do the smart, industrious citizens choose to deprive the world of their next generation of goodness?
It reminds me of the movie Idiocracy, an admittedly stupid movie, but one that makes a good point. If the dumb people keep having children and the intelligent, well-educated people have one (or fewer), we will quickly be outnumbered by the idiots. Where will the world be? Where is the world now?
Perhaps it is a regional issue. At first thought, I feel that midwesterners tend to have more children than New Yorkers or Californians. My voluntarily childless friends, however, are from Michigan. This US News article found that more women in the Western United States are having children (Utah, California, and Nevada being the highest). There goes that theory.
Perhaps it is the cost of children. The same article mentions that the birth rate declined with the economic downturn. Granted, kids are expensive. Diapers, food, and schooling are just some of the costs associated with having children. But they provide so many positives in life that I feel those outweigh the negatives or difficulties of having them. Additionally, there are so many other things in life on which we throw money away, why shouldn't we use the money as an investment in the next generation and in the planet? Speaking of the planet...
Perhaps it is a matter of being too scared of the world to bring children into it. True enough, the planet, the economics, and the politics strike fear into our hearts. Countries getting the nuclear bomb, clashes between nations, drug and alcohol issues, bullies... from the local to the international, there is plenty to keep us on our toes. But if you do a good job raising your kids, making sure you keep them aware of the good, the bad, and the ugly about society, they can make a difference. They can shine a light and a beacon in this otherwise dark world, a light that we all desperately need.
Religion does play a role in families having children (think Catholics, Orthodox Jews, Muslims, and Mormons), as does ethnicity. Hispanics and African-Americans are having the most children. Perhaps they (as well as the religious) understand the value of children more than the rest of us?
The scariest (inverse) correlation is the one that involves education and fertility. The more education, the fewer children. Period.
The US News article explains.
Likewise, education and fertility are inversely related; more educated populations tend to delay childbearing in favor of school. For example, for many highly educated people, the ages of 18 to 22 are devoted to college, not starting a family. "Highly educated people, they get out of college, they have jobs, and then they have families. So the timing is being pushed. ... They're likely to have children at later ages," says Qian, meaning a smaller window for having children and therefore potentially smaller families. The Northeast tends to have more college- and advanced-degree holders than the rest of the country, which may also account for lower fertility rates in many northeastern cities.
Think about that. What that means is that our horror flick, Idiocracy, isn't that far off the mark.
I admit that I am somewhat guilty of this phenomenon. I am 34 years old, I have my B.A. in English, my J.D., and I have been practicing business and bankruptcy law for almost six years. The difference is that I never intended to delay getting married and having children. I have been looking for the right guy for me; it just took me a little longer to find him. With him, I want at least four kids (we'll see what nature and G-d have in mind for me). I figure that since I'm going to have cute, smart, and well-behaved children, I want to have as many as possible. My family, my neighborhood, my country, and the world will benefit.
Perhaps, above all else, that's the issue, at least for women. Education is so highly valued and demanded nowadays (and it is readily available to us) that we believe we have a smaller selection of qualified males from which to choose (I believe the "pussification of America" is also an issue, though I'll save that for another article). We don't want to settle and our careers are important to us. We want to make a mark in this world. Sadly, many women (and men) don't realize how children make us immortal, that we only have a certain amount of years with which to make our true mark.
Men and women alike want to make sure their progeny, should they have any, have a proper education, a proper upbringing, and think that they can only do this with one or two children. But again, this brings up the same question.... Why let your name die? Why deprive the world of your genes entirely?
Why have none?
I think it's a self-centered issue. More and more people in Israel were opting in recent years to have one kid and were naming them things such as: "Shaylee" (A present to me). The focus isn't on the world but inward on ourselves. Having kids just isn't convenient, you're giving up a lot, not just money but time, effort, I don't have them but I'm sure studies will show you that your relationship with your spouse becomes mroe difficult, less time alone, sometimes NO "special" time.
ReplyDeleteI think people may also be looking at the world in which they'd be bringing the kid into. The point of perspective is present - past, what there is now and how we got here, how I got here, rather than how can I make it better. The live in the now attitude doesn't leave room for reponsibility towards a future.
In Europe for example it's at a point where the entire culture will change merely because people are thinking of themselves and their personal comfort.
At least that's what I think.
Raising children is hard work and one of the most important jobs on the planet. Our prisons are full of unwanted children. I agree with your thesis that we need good, smart people raising children. We also need people WHO REALLY WANT TO BE THERE. A child knows. I don't care how well you think you fake it, children know when they are "a burden." People who don't want kids SHOULDNT have them.
ReplyDeleteI'm not telling my friends (or anyone else who chooses to remain childless) to have kids if they don't want them. I'm the kind of person who wants to know and understand things. Same thing here. I just want to understand their decision, and until I can understand it, I will have all sorts of theories as to what the reasoning is.
ReplyDelete